Saturday, November 22, 2014

Time Hop

Social media is loving the new craze called "Time Hop" A great app that takes you back in time, several years just to even last year at that same time. It brings back every picture, every status that you have ever shared. I looked back through my blog today and realized a week from tomorrow my Time Hop will be filled with a tone I don't usually fill my FB page with. It was a scary lonely time but at the same time it was very Deja Vu for me. Its a week away and I am ok . It was a different type of learning experience, one that has changed my mind set on a lot of things.
A year ago next week is when our lives started to notice the change. We walked on eggshells and hardly spoke at all and when we did it was never very pleasant. Wednesday I had gotten so upset I began to search for a family lawyer. I was ready to file for divorce. I had, had enough of being the emotional punching bag and him refusing to seek any sort of help or treatment for his anger. It was always our fault and that he is who he was and I just needed to either learn to deal with it or leave.  I had been in contact with lawyer and we were to meet on Monday via the phone during my lunch break. I had no real plans but just that I needed to know my options and to go from there. I felt horrible for wanting to turn my back but at the time I was left with no options.
A year ago I watched my man slowly dwindle down to something he had never thought he would become. It might be 365 days later but I can still see that morning roll through my head as if it has just happened days, moments earlier. I was left with two options and I was praying option 1 one would work because I was scared to death to have to call law enforcement on my husband.  Option 1 was a go. Seth stopped what he was doing and in the crappy pending winter weather came to my, well our aid.
I think back and that whole time frame he was gone and wonder what it would have been like had I not had Option 1. If we didn't have Seth in our lives. If we didn't have the support of someone who wasn't family that was nearby. He has his own health issues, his family to raise as a single dad and he dropped his life for over 6 months to help us through that. We had a lot of friends help us during that time, some who are still very much a part of our lives and we are thankful for and some who drifted away whom we no longer are in touch with. Option 1 saved our family. Seth, saved Chris which in turned saved us.
I woke up this morning with my Time Hop alert. I held my breath as I opened the app and the first thing I saw was H the day before his life changed too, that he was on the floor working on a puzzle sent home from school. Blissfully unaware that 12 hours from that moment he would face such havoc on his life and it being turned upside down. A year ago today I started this blog. I wasn't sure if I would keep it up or what I would post but its been the closest thing to therapy I can get. I have at least 5 posts not yet posted and I don't believe I ever will mainly for the fact they are half start posts that I couldn't justify finishing now because its not longer in that moment.
This time next year my Time Hop will be filled with news of making changes, helping others and knowing that having a loved one with PTSD is not a life sentence to hell. Its a life change but there is so much more that can be done now. Its time to lift the nasty stigma that is attached to this and make those around us more aware that these people aren't crazy, they endured such horrific life altering events that it has forever changed the person they were. Most of those with PTSD suffered so greatly so that we can sit here and enjoy these things we have right now. It is time to stop looking down on them and casting them aside and take them in, help them, talk to them, support them. Show them they are not damaged or worthless but that they are wanted and appreciated and admired.