Saturday, January 25, 2014

Just hang on

So we hit the two month mark. We have also hit the stall out no one has a clue what to do mark. Last week we should have had our information on going to the Waco VA hospital or any VA hospital last week however between being over booked with screenings and not having his records it got pushed to the following week. So tomorrow he should be getting a more definitive answer on when and if he leaves and where he will be going. He has been told he was penciled in for the 30th of this month however he has mentioned that if tomorrow doesn't go as planned he will speak with the VA in person at his apt on Wednesday.

Now that he has moved to the partial program he has more freedom and the abilities to things when he is not in his classes. We have taken advantage for the most part of this. Friday night we headed over to Seth's for a few hours to just relax. Since Chris has not been able to get a real haircut and hasn't been out laying low was more his style. However Saturday despite some rough patches I wanted to show him just how much we want our family unit back. We picked him up and took him to Chuck E Cheese and him and H spend two hours bonding over tokens and video games.

I can see it in his body language and his tone that he is losing his hope and his faith in the system that has been failing him over and over these last few weeks. If something isn't said or done soon I can see that this whole time would be a total and complete waste. Why won't they help him? Why do they make him wait? Why has no one seen he needs more than this place has to offer?! He is not some guinea pig that they can just use to see how to treat a PTSD patient. He needs REAL help and REAL intervention! Not some guessing game of maybe or maybe not this will help. 

We had once agreed while in the PHP program he wouldn't come home as to not lose his motivation and to not confuse H. I keep seeing his face and his lack enthusiasm and I have to do more. It's not fair and it's my job as his wife to figure out what to do. I need him to feel more human again more like the man he once was. We even took him to get a hair cut just to see if something would click. I guess it did just a little. He needed to see the old him the man with a "high and tight", clean shaven face and his Aggies hat. Seeing that man might just give him hope to hold on. 

So now we wait. Hurry up..... and wait. We play the waiting game again. Holding on. Clinging to that list bit of hope we both hold in the hands of the VA. Are they going to see what we all see? Will they think he is another Vet playing the system? I sure hope they see a man who has lost himself in a facility for two months that has little to no ability to help him stay afloat. All we have to do is just hang on.