Friday, January 3, 2014

Just when I had given up

The last few days I had lived in a dull, numb state. I had prepared for the demise of my marriage and the lack of a father figure in my child's life. I was down but not out. It was the bottom of the 9th bases loaded and all I needed was the grand slam to get me back in this game. I pulled out my wild card and threw the Hail Mary pass! I had no idea the things I did yesterday were going to have such a huge ripple effect on the news I got today.

As I prepared for my day this morning I gathered up the few belongings for Chris to leave for our friend to pick up while I was at work. The conversation last night left me feeling slightly hopefully but nothing to put all my hopes into. I had a insightful conversation with Chris probably one of the most in depth conversations since he had been gone. He was so confused and hurt by the whole " no information" deal that he decided on his own to set up something with Dyan, himself and myself. I knew at that moment one of two things, either he honestly had no idea what was going on and Dyan was lazy or mistaken or that Chris was not very bright and was about to incriminate himself with the evidence that he truly didn't want me to be apart of the treatment process. He also had expressed deep interest in getting pass on Sunday to see us. That one I was very leery of because I was not sure how it would affect H and all that he was going through.

Anyways I gathered the items and placed the pack on the back porch for Seth to retrieve as soon as Chris called to tell him he would be moving to the PHP building. I put his phone, laptop, toiletries and his checkbook and bank card. I didn't feel like places our joint card in there just to be on the safe side. Not that I think he would but I have to still look out for my family for now. I would wait patiently all day for Seth to send me the message that he was in route to tend to Chris.

The day passed and no contact from Chris. Seth confirmed with me no new information was out there. This worried me. What if he had a outburst, what if something happened and he was stuck there even longer? I gathered the kids up after work to head home and load up the truck so I could take the girls back to their dad's. I had to make a quick stop for gas before leaving the base and as soon as I sat in the truck to talk to the girls about their day, Unavailable came across my phone, I quickly answer because only one place I know of lately calls me with that name and I assumed it was Chris asking me to bring his stuff and come in for a visit. I was actually feeling myself getting irritated thinking "he has to be out of his mind thinking I am going to bring his stuff after driving three hours he is out of his mind." He asked me if I wanted some news about what was going on and I nervously said of course. He told me Waco asked for his DD214 and that they needed to verify his benefits and by mid week next week the process should be in full swing for him to head to the VA hospital there!

I almost felt this was a dream honestly. 40 days of hell and then magically answers start coming in. I strongly believe my calls to WWP and NAMI had a huge hand in all this. I think once Dyan knew I was seeking advocates to help with not only my rights and our families rights but the rights of Chris they began to see we were not going to take this lightly. I refused to let this go to the wayside and pray that eventually someone would realize this was not the place Chris needed to be and he would finally go somewhere to get help. Those 40 days might have been harder than any deployment but they were all worth it now in the name of getting help for Chris.

Today my husband is in the process of getting the much needed VA treatment he needs, landed a job once he is home and ready for work, we get a special visitation this weekend with him per his treatment team and my oldest truly comprehends and dictated to me his thoughts and feelings on this whole deal. It was like a miracle occurred. I finally felt hope again, all the doubt and anger was lifted and I felt that we would really be a family. While yes there are still some lingering questions on what was going on, I have put those things out of my mind and chosen to focus on the good that has come from today.